Talk: Midnight Diaries Entry 4
The indecision from Midnight Diaries: Entry 3 warps into something darker now–a dark realization.
I outwards claim closure, though in my heart I know it not be true.
I have wished to move on for so long now that I cannot wish for anything anymore. Thoughts of her are tantalizing. Whenever I see, all my of progress in trying to forgot about her are instantly undone, as if I had never tried to move on in the first place.
Trying to move on is like a religion to me now: it takes up all of my time and energy.
The devotion I spend in trying for closure is intense on certain days and lacking on others, suggesting that I’m still not entirely on board with moving on. I want to go back to the old me—the me that wasn’t infatuated—, but the task proves paradoxical. I was sad before I liked her because I had nothing to admire in my life; I am sad after I have liked her because I want so desperately not to like her.
My attempts both warm my heart in the sense that I am happy to not have nothing to admire, but also heart-warming as in setting my heart on fire because it drives me crazy with indecision.
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